Vacay

As I finish this post (been brewing for a week), I'm 4 days into my surgery rotation. ...And most definitely not on vacation anymore. Think 12-14 hour days: 5,6AM - 6,7PM. Long days, yes. But I don't mind it and the time somehow flies. All because I'm at a really good site with lots of really cool stuff and outstanding teaching. More on that in future posts.

Before that though, I'd been on vacation in one form or another for two weeks. Last week had been a bunch of clinical skills lectures/workshops - ABGs, IVs, catheters, respiratory therapy, lumbar punctures, phlebotomy, suturing, injections, EKGs, etc. It actually was really useful and fun, which was a pleasant surprise. Plus, the schedule was relatively light, allowing for...a real life!! I saw not one, but two movies during the week while also going out each night :)

The week before that , I was down in St. Thomas. It was all I could ask for out of a post-boards vacation. I felt ridiculously reenergized and alive coming back. Pics are up on facebook with more from another camera.

I made a few "friends" on the island.

Poser middle man: This dude was chilling at a local bar, patroned by all locals (of course). While we were playing darts, he walks up and starts talking. Being the closest person, I got the job of responding. This guy was apparently from Long Island, and moved down in 1989. Eventually, he starts offering me weed. I made the mistake of continuing to talk, and it comes out that he's the middle man and will take our money out to "a guy waiting in the parking lot." This mysterious guy is of course only available for a limited time. Once I make it clear I'm not buying his story, he then offers us a cab ride. No way in hell I'm getting in a car with that guy or anyone he knows. The cab offer came after telling him we have a rental car of course.

Drunk hotel dude: While classing it up in the hotel lobby with our canned beers, we notice a guy stumble out of a cab with a six pack in one hand and two beers in the other. He then makes his way over to our table and starts recounting the story of his cab ride. He chooses to sit right next to me, and reenact his "adventure." Said adventure included the cabbie putting his arm around him, massaging his back, and getting all up in his space. Mind you, he does all this to me while he tells his story. I kept begging for "story time" to be over. No such luck. I eyed the group for some help, but they're too busy laughing. The man would not stop until he finished his story. He then notes that he's partying it up somewhere in the hotel and gives us his room number. No thanks.

Hat hair: Not what you would think when I say hat hair. His hair had neither been cut nor washed in so long that it was bulky and stiff enough to be a large top hat of some sort. Apparently, I walked close enough to elicit verbalization the the effect of: "Nine million dollars, shit on your face!" Now, I'm not sure if the $9M was what he was charging or what I would get for said services. Either way, I didn't know how to react - so I didn't and kept walking.

Wildlife: With St. Thomas being less developed and in a different climate, there was some unique wildlife roaming around.

1.) Iguanas - they're everywhere. Even by the pool you can see anywhere from 3-6 just chilling poolside. Everywhere you go, they're there. Apparently they were first introduced to the island as a food source.
2.) Chickens - also all over the islands. Not quite as pervasive as the iguanas. These guys chill in slightly less developed areas of the island.
3.) Donkeys - who knew? Only saw these on St. John, and only two at that. We initially spotted them grazing at the roadside. Being curious, we stopped and checked out what was going on. Interestingly, they reciprocated the interest and walked right up to the car. I was busy fiddling with my camera while they walked up, so I was a little freaked out when I saw a donkey snout peering into the window.
4.) Deer - saw a deer while hiking through the jungle. That was a little unexpected. We somehow managed to get ridiculously close to it only to have it scurry away. And then caught up to it again, it then disappearing for good. A bit surreal, since it's so quiet in the jungle and it's really hazy in the jungle...out of the haze we just see a deer chilling.
5.) Bird. Not so noteworthy. Except that it was in the terminal at Fort Lauderdale's airport. Waddling about near a vending cart. That can't be sanitary. Nor does it speak well of how tightly closed off the terminal is kept. And no one other than us seemed to notice. Maybe it's part of the usual scene at FLL. It wouldn't surprise me.

FLL
I already mentioned the bird. For it being Spirit Airlines' hub, it was ridiculously undersized and overcrowded with touristy vacationers. I realize I fall into that category, but I'd like to think I'm not that obnoxious. On top of that, both times we layed over at FLL, our first boarding call was also our final boarding call. We weren't late or anything. They just never announced that our flight was boarding. And the people sitting at our gate never boarded the plane. Apparently, there's some other hidden gate through which to board. We were unaware of this gate.

So yeah, that's all I've got from the past few weeks. It'll probably be the most interesting nonmedical stuff I can write about for the next 8 weeks since I'm on surgery. I'll try not to bore it up too much with the surgery stories, but no guarantees...although it's probably marginally better than reading about the first two years of med school.

Done!!!

Hell yeah. Done. I have never looked forward to the end of something more than this. After eight hours and clicking "end exam," there was a huge, overwhelming feeling of freedom. Pure freedom. I walked out of that building with a glow and energy about me. I couldn't help but smile. Some people walking past me gave me some quizzical looks. I didn't care.

I legitimately hated the past month of my life. I'm not going for hyperbole or dramatic effect when I say that or the following. This has been the hardest, worst experience of my life. It's been the most stressful, tiring, draining, frustrating, and demoralizing thing I've ever done. And none of those things happens easily with me. Granted, I've had a good life and haven't had many life experiences or traumatic events. And yes, I know I chose this path. But still. I spent most of my waking hours studying. And reviewing. And not remembering. And getting owned by practice questions. (My average for ~1500 questions was a solid 62%.) Even when I wasn't in boards mode, I was annoyed at what my life had been reduced to.

I know it's become an old tune, but the volume of information is overwhelming. Two years of med school. No matter how much we study, we never can or will know it all. On top of that, the styles of questions makes it so much more difficult. And all of it reduced to a 336 question, eight hour exam. An exam that I'd like to think I passed. But on top of that, an exam that determines what specialty you can go into and where you can do residency. Luckily, I'm always good about not thinking big picture - otherwise I would've freaked out. Oh wait, that happened anyway.

I've been known to moan and groan when it comes to exams, and that's mostly what I did for three weeks. I'm usually pretty solid and stable with exams. This final week though, I actually freaked out a few times. I've apparently never done that before. I went through periods where I couldn't study, couldn't retain anything, couldn't focus. All I could do was sit there. Nothing helped - listening to music, taking a break, eating, taking a nap, jackassing on the internet - nothing. It wasn't only cognitive. I know it was for real because I lost my appetite at times (never happens when I study), my GI was all sorts of messed up, my heart was going crazy, legs were tapping like mad. I've been through my fair share of exams, and nothing like this has ever happened before.

On those occasions I freaked out, I didn't recognize myself. I didn't like who I was seeing and what I was. And apparently my study group took notice. They were the ones giving the pep talks, instead of vice versa. That was another hint that something was different.

I'm just thankful I have a tight group of friends going through the same thing. I usually went solo during the week. But I occasionally met up with my group during the week and definitely on the weekends. Even if I got less done, it was comforting and reenergizing knowing you're not alone.

Not that I think I did, but I if were to have failed (I just cringed typing that), I don't know if I could do this again. I would have to take a step back and really reevaluate my life, priorities, and what I want to do. And this is coming from someone who currently owes the federal government $100k.

Luckily, supposedly none of the other board exams are as bad. At least not USMLE Steps II or III (just took Step I). Specialty boards might be a different story, but that's way too far down the road. Up in the immediate future is a week in Saint Thomas. And in med school style, it's gonna be a cramfest - of doing absolutely nothing, relaxing, recharging, drinking, and making up for the past month. Already after just eighteen eighteen hours it's amazing how much stress, angst, and anger have melted away. I'm in such a different place than I was two days ago.

For reading my sob story, the best reward I have is of a Chicago sunrise ~540 the morning of my exam.

If You're Having Trouble Sleeping, Read On

I'm two days out. I'm also burnt out, worn out, and (since Sunday) freaking out.

Anyway, one more day of the same song and dance that's been playing for four weeks - with Wednesday being a little less hardcore. Here's a rundown of the bore that is a boards study day. Weekends I let myself sleep in. Sometime between 8-10.

600 AM: hear "The Final Countdown," smirk because it reminds me of Arrested Development's Gob, then frown/growl because I realize it's my alarm
630: finally get my ass out of bed
630-800: do the daily necessities: some form of exercise, pee, poo, bathe; load up on coffee, gatorade, granola bars, string cheese
815: wander towards the L and wonder if I'll get a seat; look over google doc study guide while waiting
830: get downtown; feel out of place as all sorts of suits, business types, and important looking people walk ridiculously fast and with a purpose; nod to the two homeless people I see everyday and wonder if they remember me; grab free newspaper
830-900: read aforementioned free paper while eating 1st of several unhealthy meals
915: settle into my spot at DePaul's 10th floor business library, stare at Sears Tower for a minute, start studying
1000: probably first of several 10 minute power naps on the day
1011: nonurinary bathroom trip
1015-100 PM: wonder where all my momentum from the day went as I feel sleepy; continued staring at Sears Tower
100-200: after waiting on the business crowd to get back to work, wander outside for second unhealthy meal of day
201: grab coffee, head back up; notice that the business school scene is more interesting than the med school equivalent, wonder why that is
230: guaranteed nap time
241: guaranteed bowel movement
300: wonder which of three homeless people will show up
1.) purple coat and beanie guy
2.) homeless Asian (?!) dude - always wearing the same suit and shades and always coughing/spitting into a cup
3.) read newspapers in the corner/bodily noise guy - the latter involves belching, throat clearing, coughing, sniffling, sneezing, farting, and probably pooing a little
301-415: get ridiculously sleepy and struggle not to nap; notice that the library has gotten insanely crowded somehow
415-730: get sudden burst of energy and wish I'd been this productive all day; ironically then burn out on studying and decide to leave
730-740: sit in awe at how all my shit ended up splayed out everywhere; get annoyed at how long packing up takes; wonder how it all fits in my backpack in a nonbulbous fashion
745-815: (maybe) grab some food to go, wander towards the L and head home
815-930: chow down, veg out in front of tv
930-1030: continued jackassing on internet and tv (this is why I don't/can't study at home)
1030-1115: hopefully finally get around to doing a practice block of questions
1116: laugh/cry at how low my score is
1117 PM-100 AM: go over the wrong answers and look up anything I don't know (a lot of both); add this new info to my running google document; continued sidetracking and distractions
100: ideal bed time
200: realistic bed time due to aforementioned jackassing
300: more of the same sometimes leads to this...and probably starting the next day later than I'd like

For those that like numbers, here's some for an average boards study day.
Ten minute power naps: 2-5
Fast food meals: 1-3
Cups (8 oz) of coffee consumed: 3-6
Cups of water/gatorade consumed: 3-4
Bathroom trips (urinary): 3-6
Bathroom trips (nonurinary): 1-3 ---> sometimes I add too much cream to my coffee
Minutes wasted checking email, facebook, news, espn, or youtube whilst also killing my phone's battery: >=30
Filipino culture books found in a business library: 1
Library workers I recognize and am thus forced to nod at everyday: 6, from different shifts :(
Starbucks employees recognized at DePaul Center: 5
Coffee places that've received my business, downtown: 6 (2 Starbucks, 2 Dunkin Donuts, 1 McDonalds, 1 Caribou Coffee)
Security guards recognized: 3
Times I ran out of highlighter and had to buy one: 2
Block radius willing to walk for a meal: 3
Total number of protests witnessed: 2
Times I hear emergency sirens: >=10
Large Starbucks coffee: $2.15 ($2.18 at the Starbucks half a block away somehow)
Medium Starbucks coffee: $2.04 ($2.06)
Large Dunkin Donuts coffee: $2.06
Medium Dunkin Donuts coffee: $1.84
Medium Caribou coffee: $2.18
Number of times closing out a library: ~once/week...which is more times than I've closed out a bar in the past month
Times I think "FML:" 0-4

Two more days.